From Depression To Ironman
First of all I would like to point out and admit that I have not followed through on my Call To Action on my last blog. I was supposed to blog fortnightly but I think it’s been at least 6 weeks…oops!
With regards to my last blog when I wrote about my depression, I just wanted to say thanks for all the lovely and supportive comments. It really has amazed me how many people do understand. I first posted it on my Facebook page and since outing myself I really do think I have started to make some changes, which in turn are making me feel more positive.
I took the decision not to have medication this time. I have taken anti depressants in the past and I don’t feel they made much of a difference. I was asked the usual questions and wasn’t offered the 6 week CBT therapy as the waiting list was too long. I will never forget the look on the lovely doctor’s face when he asked how much alcohol I was drinking… “About 2 bottles.” I said. “That’s not so bad.” He said. “A night.” I said!
I couldn’t quite work out his expression, it was a mixture of shock, horror, disbelief and utter disgust. It was as if he had just seen his football team get thrashed when they were expected to whitewash the underdogs. He probably wasn’t expecting that answer, I was after all, sitting there in my gym kit after having just taught a spinning class. To him I looked like a fit person who wouldn’t dream of jeopardising their health by drinking such a large amount of alcohol!
The reality is I didn’t actually drink 2 bottles every night, but it had become a common occurrence. I knew I often drank for the wrong reasons. If you know me, you know I do enjoy a drink and that is fine. I love it when I am with my friends and family, celebrating or otherwise. I love it when I may be on my own enjoying a good read or film. I especially love it when it’s a last minute impromptu event. What I don’t like is when it’s to mask the hollowness and pain, when it’s to pass the time and when you stay up late and drink because you don’t want tomorrow to come as you have to face the day and do it all again.
I had had enough…enough of my own bullshit. I know enough about health to accept that living this way was not good for my long term health. It was not good for my mind and I knew I certainly wasn’t going to start feeling better anytime soon if I kept it up. A life of living in leggings was looming. It was so frustrating as I just seemed to keep failing most days of the week and this just magnified the low mood.
I had to make a decision…I decided to say no to medication…and sign up for an IRONMAN instead!!!! (I actually think the ridiculousness of that statement warrants a whole line of exclamation marks!!)
For those of you who don’t know an IRONMAN is a triathlon in which you swim 2.4 miles, ride a bike for 112 miles and then run a 26.2 mile marathon…all within 17 hours!
Bearing in mind I have NEVER done a triathlon before…not even a small Sprint distance!
I had lost a huge amount of my fitness during 2015 and put on 2 stone in weight. Not surprising after consuming all those empty calories.
I just know I needed something to focus on, something that would force me to have to get out of bed, stop wasting hours sitting on the sofa staring into space and out of the house.
No matter how shit I felt, I needed that fear of a big challenge, not one that I could just wing, but one where I had to put in some serious hours and effort into training.
I knew if I actually signed up and did it to raise money for charity then there was no way I was going to get to that starting line without having given it my all with my training. I would obviously love to finish it in the 17 hour time frame, but my real goal is just getting out and training and doing enough to make myself really believe I can do it. So just standing on the start line with that belief is my goal.
I know some people will think I am mad as it does seem a bit extreme but it seems to be working. I am getting out and doing the training. I am motivated by the thought of being on that start line…and I really don’t want to feel like I am going back to school after a long holiday and I haven’t done ANY revision for my exams!
This blog was supposed to be about letting you know about my training and how I am getting on but I think I have written enough as the introduction seems to have developed into a perfect length blog so I will save that for next time!
Jane, (social media expert) would be pleased. I remember a section on her course that advised you can often split a long blog into 2…so here it is, except I have not yet written the 2nd half!
Almost forgot my Call To Action…keep getting up, getting out training and getting fitter!
I’ll be in touch soon.